Sunday, November 2, 2008

It's hard to bargle nawdle zouss with all these marbles in my mouth

Today is got to be the worst day so far. I'm warning everyone now just in case the following description of my problems turns someone off. It's not pleasant, it's not pleasant to experience, and if that's going to be an issue, wait until tomorrow's post instead of reading on.

The sores in my mouth have gotten larger, and a few more have popped up. The insides of my mouth are swollen, but my tongue has decreased in size, thankfully. My throat is raw and covered in open sores, which makes swallowing anything feel like its sandpaper. Even water (or my own saliva) hurts like hell. Fortunately, if I don't talk or swallow often, the morphine is doing an adequate job in controlling the pain. I hate the changeover times, because when the new nurse comes on, she asks about 100 questions. And I can't f*ing talk right now. I think for the rest of the day I am going to keep a notepad next the bed, and any time I get asked something I'll write the answer.

The PCAs (personal care assistants) are mostly great, occasionally I'll have someone come in whom I've never seen to take my vitals, and since I'm sure they don't know my condition, they jam the thermometer right under my tongue - where the mother of all sores lives.

In addition to the sores, I'm having a little bit of a phlegm problem, which one of my nurses said is another common side effect Occasionally I do have to cough up stuff, which has been mostly red/dark red for the past two days. It makes me feel better for a while after I do it, but before I do it, my throat feels like it's closing up and is on fire. In addition to the phlegm, I've been coughing up a little blood. Apparently no one is too concerned about that problem at this point.

Lucky for me my counts are about as low as they can go - I think they're at 2 (or .02 for those who know what the white counts are). I'm also at day +5, so my stem cells should be taking hold and start doing their thing. There may be one more day of really low white counts before they start going back up, and then the sores will go away and I'll be able to go back to eating and drinking normally.

It does appear that the past few days have been a real test and have altered my personality a little bit. I figure I'm allowed as I haven't slept more than three hours straight, haven't been able to really swallow without pain in almost a week, haven't eaten any solid food since Thursday morning.

I want to thank everyone for the cards, movies and other stuff that has been coming in the mail over the past week. I'd also like to thank Dan, Kerry, Bob and Marie from BU (and everyone else who contributed) for the gifts. Everything I have gotten has been precious and is the bright side to all of the misery I've been going through. It's not the stuff, but the showing of support that I've gotten from everyone. I appreciate it. I just wish there was a way I could show it.

I'm going to go nap now. Typing, reading, and listening to football is taking a lot out of me. Damnit.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey brian. I am sorry to hear that you are in such pain. Can't imagine how that must feel. I will do a better job of keeping in touch...i hv been remiss.
I've been watching the patriots games religiously on your behalf!
can you tell me what address I can send a letter to??
Hang in there!

andyson said...

send me an email to remind me and I'll forward the address.