Return to Sender

We're back. We have lots of things to do still (start thank you notes, unpack, clean up around the condo among other things), but most won't get done in the next few days.

The wedding was a lot of fun, but I can honestly say I don't know where the time went. It started just after 4, and before I knew it, we did our first dance, cut the cake, and then were saying goodbye to everyone.

Here is one picture from the wedding:

I wish the day lasted longer. People told us they had a great time, that it didn't seem like a wedding, and a few told me it was the best wedding/party they had been to in years. Unfortunately I don't remember it that way. It was a lot of fun, but between the ceremony, the pictures, the things we had to do, time just got away from me. I can count the number of songs I heard the DJ play on one hand. He played for almost 4 hours straight; I just was too busy to hear them. But it was unique, and a great experience. Definitely a day I'll not forget (of what I can recall).

Overall my health is stable. I'm coughing a bit, partially from my lingering whatever the hell it is I had last week, and partially from the dry air of LV.

Now, after more sleep tomorrow, and a much needed day off from everything, it's back to the grind on Tuesday.

If I don't get better by the end of the week, I'll probably be calling the doctor again. But maybe a few good nights sleep and a semi-regular schedule will make a difference.

This is for Ti, the new Mrs. Anderson:
I love you, and as I told you, I can't repay everything you've done for me over the past two years. It's been a journey, and we're still a long way from our destination, but here's to hoping to a smooth, paved road ahead. No more bumps, detours or anything else.

To everyone else: Keep hope alive.

Once in a while, life kicks you when you're down. Occasionally you pick yourself up and kick it back and things are good. This past week, I kicked it back and then did a shot of Tequila.

Talk to you later, folks.

Back in the saddle again

I'm back. I'm married. Now I must go to sleep so we can go to Las Vegas in the morning. We leave in just under 6 hours.

Scared

This is the last post prior to the wedding. The next time you all read this, I will be married. Now legally Ti will own half of my stuff. At this point though, I think she bought a lot of it anyway. Since she's moved in, I don't really differentiate between "mine" and "ours" very much. I did at the beginning, but I outgrew it as time went on and she still put up with me.

So going into the home stretch, especially today when I may not actually have a hell of a lot to do, it feels like it. I am also, once again, sick with some unknown malady. It started with a fever the other day, with the occasional shiver. And then it got a little worse over the weekend. I'd had little to no side effects to conclude that I had something like a cold or flu, just the fever and the convulsions/shivers. So we went to see Dr. F - who didn't really have any suggestions to what I may have. He looked me over, we discussed the side effects and a few other things, he gave me a script for Levaquin and sent me on my way.

Now being a very imaginative person, I of course started with the "it's just viral, it's just a cold" for the first few days. Then I had more time to think on it and got scared by what popped out. Most of the symptoms I have been expressing were similar to September of 2007 - my initial HL diagnosis. Being only 6 months out from a transplant, and telling lots of other people that they don't have cancer when they freak out about being sick, I should know better. But it was my turn to get beat on by the panic stick. I freaked out for a little bit, but got myself out of that defeatist "it's come back" attitude. I don't have a relapse, I have some kind of viral sinus mucus thing going on. The Levaquin I'm on is causing coughing fits during the day. The kind I'd feel bad having at a restaurant, or let's say, at my wedding.

So some rest is in order in the next few days so I can be healthy, active, and energetic during the wedding. I owe Ti that much.

I'll speak to you folks after the big day.

Scarred

I know it's been a little while since the last post. This is a cancer blog and I don't have cancer at the moment. Not that I'm expecting cancer to come into my life again, I just don't have it now. So I'm not sure what to do with the blog. I'll try to update it so everyone who is following it can keep in touch with how I'm doing, but I can't promise how often I'll do so.

Last week we met with all of my medical staff at DFCI. They looked me over, asked me questions to see how I am doing, told me that I'm all done with treatments, and told me to come back in 3 months for a scan. (Well, I have to go back a little more often for flushes for my port) I'm in the post-treatment recovery period. I'm still missing hair, I'm still a weakling, and I can't walk up 2 flights of stairs without getting winded - although to be honest I don't know if could do that prior to the cancer either. So I'm rebuilding my life, brick by brick.

I'm back to work pretty much full-time. It is overwhelming, as I've said a few times, but I'm dealing with it. I'm going to the gym a few times a week. I wear myself out, but for the sake of eventually getting better and having more stamina and strength. We're prepping for the wedding. Things are moving forward whether I'm ready for them or not (Not a knock about the wedding, Ti). I didn't dive head first back into work a few months ago when I went back. But now I'm swimming in the deep end. I'm starting to make long-term plans for the summer, and some for beyond for both work and life.

I'm also tired. Of pretty much everything. I need a vacation - I just don't want to be at home. I need to relax, I need to breathe deep and take in air that hasn't been processed by 1000 cars. I'm almost past the "I fought cancer and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" feeling, because I have to get past it. There is still a little of that lingering, but its fading. As my health improves, I expect my attitude, my opinion and how I act to improve. I'm angry, and my patience hasn't really recovered, a combination that doesn't help me anywhere in my life. But I'm working on getting past that too. There isn't anyone to be angry at, just circumstance, and you can't really be angry at circumstance because it doesn't yell back.

Which brings me to the point of the post. These days, I have scars. Lots of them, all over my body. Most of them are from dealing with my Lymphoma, especially the emotional and mental ones. In time they'll heal. They'll fade away like the ones on my neck, back and chest. But for now they're still a little tender and exposed. The good news is there is only one direction to go, up. I'm not going to promise anyone that I will be more positive. I just promise that I'll be getting better. Right now the scars and healing I have to do aren't really on the outside anymore. I have to adjust to the fact that I pretty much missed most of a year of my life, and had it replaced with the most difficult thing I imagine a person can go through. There may be worse things, but let's not discuss that here.

It's a nice night. I think I may go for a walk. I dunno where yet, but I'm sure I'll find something.

Talk to y'all later.