Anxiety is for the weak

So it's only another 5 days before I'm admitted to the hospital. The stem cell collection was relatively painless, and since I'm an overachiever, only took one day (they warned me that it could have taken all of this week, and in many cases takes at least 2-3 days). I would have said completely painless except for the back spasms and bone pain I suffered through all day. But I'm all done with that.
Tonight I've decided to go through the materials again and start making a list of things I need to bring to the hospital - something I've picked up from Ti apparently. But it will help me focus and not be so nervous about being admitted. The first day should be fine, as I'll just be meeting the staff who will be taking care of me for 21 days. It's the next four days I'm a little worried about, as I'll be getting high-dose chemotherapy. For those who haven't gone through it or seen anyone go through it, from what I've read and heard, it's a slightly more intense version of what I've already gone through and wrote about previously, hence the high-dose part. My last chemo session was 3 days in a row and that did a number on me, and I don't think they consider that a high-dose chemo. Forget feeling like a truck ran over me; I have a feeling that it will be like a convoy decided I was the quickest route to its destination.

But we'll have to wait and see. This weekend holds much promise of foods and stores and things that I won't be able to do until sometime after the new year. I think it would be hard for anyone to come to terms with the fact that everything they eat, wear, touch, and do for the next 7 weeks is pretty much thought out and planned, but I'm starting to get used to the idea. Once again I will be mostly confined to the walls of the condo, with the bars on the windows, and the lack of sunlight and fresh air. I can't really say that I'll miss X-mas shopping, but I will miss going out and seeing the lights of the stores, the crowds, the early snow and everything else that comes with the beginning of winter.

I'm also starting to miss fall, as I've been a little hesitant to go out these past few weeks and capture the time that I did have to enjoy being outside and everything that people see as a benefit to living in New England.

But there is always next year.

I'll wish everyone a good night, and let's hope the Sox can pull at least one more game out before calling it a season.