I haven't posted in almost a week. Almost. Mostly because I'm really running out of ideas. I'm not going to harp about tomorrow and how historic and important it is, I'll leave that to all of the major media (and not so major) outlets, as well as all of the websites, blogs, email messages sent out and the Official Barack Obama Inauguration Collectible Coin Sets now available at Target and Wal-Mart. To summarize the last sentence, in case it didn't make sense, tomorrow is an important day, I'm just not going to discuss it or give my two cents.
*Warning - explicit material below*
At this moment I'm a little agitated about wedding stuff, who wouldn't be? At this point, instead of dealing with all of the bullshit (can I say that on the web?) that comes with the wedding, because I really don't need it right now, and neither does Ti, I'd be happy eloping. However, I have to consider the feelings of everyone I know and how upset or off-put they would be if we got married and didn't include them. But every time a problem comes up and things start to get a little tense, I'm that much closer to saying "Fuck it" and logging onto Orbitz or Travelocity to find some far off little tropical island where we can get married.
Moving on because even blogging about the wedding is starting to counteract the ativan I took to calm me down the first time I got agitated about the wedding tonight.
My onc called at the end of last week. We're making an appointment with a radiation oncologist. During the last meeting the R word was brought up, and I have a feeling that I will be getting some soon. The R being radiation. We haven't discussed details, but how f'ing fair is this? (Sorry about my profanity. I seem to have lost that filter tonight.) The first time it was discussed, back in the late summer, it was rads for a month. I hope not, because they also said every day for a month. Ugh, and so it continues.
I wish this could have been a happy, good news, my life is peachy post. It just isn't. I need to vent, I need an outlet, and none of my friends, as much as they think they want to, don't deserve to have that load dumped on them. It's heavy and complicated and those of you who understand (ie suffer through this too) have your own burden to carry.
On the bright side, I am getting better, I am starting to get to the point where I can integrate myself slowly back into society. This is just the long, slow part between now and where I am all better and life is back to where it was before this started. The countdown to Feb. has begun.
- B
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3 comments:
Vent all you want!! Wedding planning is a major pain. We considered eloping. I think everyone does at some point....I know you guys are trying to be considerate of everyone's feelings if they aren't there. Just elope and have a big party afterwards. You guys need to think of yourselves in this situation. It is about you and not everyone else. Hope that helps...
: )
B-
What can I do to help?
Vent away! We're all still thinking of you and wishing you well. Your Irish temper is a good sign. :-) Hope all is improving! Count me in if you're heading to Vegas though. :-) Linda J.
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