Thursday, May 14, 2009

Scared

This is the last post prior to the wedding. The next time you all read this, I will be married. Now legally Ti will own half of my stuff. At this point though, I think she bought a lot of it anyway. Since she's moved in, I don't really differentiate between "mine" and "ours" very much. I did at the beginning, but I outgrew it as time went on and she still put up with me.

So going into the home stretch, especially today when I may not actually have a hell of a lot to do, it feels like it. I am also, once again, sick with some unknown malady. It started with a fever the other day, with the occasional shiver. And then it got a little worse over the weekend. I'd had little to no side effects to conclude that I had something like a cold or flu, just the fever and the convulsions/shivers. So we went to see Dr. F - who didn't really have any suggestions to what I may have. He looked me over, we discussed the side effects and a few other things, he gave me a script for Levaquin and sent me on my way.

Now being a very imaginative person, I of course started with the "it's just viral, it's just a cold" for the first few days. Then I had more time to think on it and got scared by what popped out. Most of the symptoms I have been expressing were similar to September of 2007 - my initial HL diagnosis. Being only 6 months out from a transplant, and telling lots of other people that they don't have cancer when they freak out about being sick, I should know better. But it was my turn to get beat on by the panic stick. I freaked out for a little bit, but got myself out of that defeatist "it's come back" attitude. I don't have a relapse, I have some kind of viral sinus mucus thing going on. The Levaquin I'm on is causing coughing fits during the day. The kind I'd feel bad having at a restaurant, or let's say, at my wedding.

So some rest is in order in the next few days so I can be healthy, active, and energetic during the wedding. I owe Ti that much.

I'll speak to you folks after the big day.

1 comment:

ti said...

Aww Honey, I just want you to feel as well (physically & mentally) as you are able to. I'll marry you even if you have a coughing fit at the altar. hmm... maybe I should work that into my vows? :)