Happy um, unbirthday?

Well, one year ago today I received my second lease on life. I looked a lot different, was very ill, and wasn't sure I'd make it to 2009. Move ahead 365 days and things are much, much different. Better in many aspects of my life - I'm still here.

Not much to talk about tonight. Ti took me out to a very nice dinner, and we have to walk the dogs soon. Then off to bed.

Technically today isn't anything special. But it will always be important to me. Tomorrow, on the other hand, is a very special day - 4 years since Ti and I started "dating" or whatever you want to call what we did. On that day, we went to Salem in a snow storm. Ended up drinking at a bar for a little bit before getting dinner at the Texas Roadhouse, and then acted like giddy teenagers on the couch.

Jeez, time flies. Sick, not sick, planning a wedding, not planning, it just goes away.

Eh, too much waxing nostalgic for me. Time to walk the beagles.

Good Night! and Big Balls!

Where next?

Well, I've been in remission for quite a long time. It's been a year since I've had any evidence of disease in any of my scans. But I'm not done with the blog yet. October 22nd is my next appointment, and marks my anniversary since being admitted for my SCT. And 19 days from now marks my 2nd birthday. My re-birthday - one year since being saved by my own stem cells.

It's funny to look back and think of how much time has passed, time that I probably should be more grateful to have than I've been. Not that my disease would have killed me that quickly, but my long-term prognosis is much brighter because of the suffering due to the treatment and recovery.

I still have a long road ahead, I'm only 1/5 of the way to where statistics tell us that my cancer won't be coming back. So now there is a chance. But there are too many other important things in life to worry about. My last scan was clean, I'm getting my immunizations soon, and then after my followup scan in Jan, I'm getting my port taken out.

Then the last reminder of my journey that I carry around like a burden will be gone. Leaving me only with my scars.

Cancer sucks.

But at least there was cake. Cake makes everything better.

G'night.

P.S. A mantra for all of those still going through treatment. Say this to yourself every morning you wake up, and every time you're about to start something horrible (chemo, rads, etc.)

I am Superman (or woman)
I can do anything.
I am Superman
I will be recovering.

Happy birthday to me

I turned 32 today. That's significant, at least to me, because a year ago I was about to start the process of harvesting my stem cells and then the transplant itself.

Ti and I were at Mohegan Sun last year, we spent a few nights. Margaritaville opened, and we closed it out. That is probably the last time I can remember being pretty buzzed and out somewhere to enjoy it.

Anyway, I had a nice dinner, and a few days of stuff to look forward to. Have a good night, and big balls.

- B

Good Night, and Big Balls explained. . .

So I have closed out a good number of posts with the phrase, "Good Night, and Big Balls!", which is how John Henson (YES, THAT John Henson) closes out an episode of Wipeout!. Which is the bestest game show ever created. Anything where very out of shape people take on an obstacle course where they are guaranteed to bounce off of something and into some water or mud is an instant hit in my book. Not to mention that typically there are multiple obstacles with big balls in them.

Anyway, I am free of cancer, and have decided to take a break from the cancer community. Not a permanent one, just a breather so I can get out of the "I'm sick and need to be around others like me" mentality and back into what life was pre-lumpy throat. I think the online support system, as well as everyone I've dealt with at the hospitals are great - I just want to not dwell on the last two years of my life and move onto the next part.

At the end of this sabbatical, which I figure will be in September/Oct, I'm going to do the LLS Light the Night walk. I'll post about it soon because I need to get volunteers, money, etc. to do it. It's a great cause, and it's for a great group of people who need help - I should know, I was one of them.

I'll talk to you all later.

GN and BB!

Not quite done . . . yet

Well, after some consideration, I'm not done with the blog yet. I still have a few appointments in the next 6 months, including my next scan. I am feeling much better, I don't have much to worry about health-wise at the moment - I'm feeling pretty good. Still not sleeping, but it's not because of stress related to my disease. There are other reasons I'm not sleeping now.

This will not become my dog's new blog, but I have an anecdote to share: last night, Scout, our beloved new beagle, crawled into our bed and flopped onto his side. Then he got up on one paw and started going to town on his crotch. Which happened to be facing me, about 6 inches from my face. I said to Ti, "Why do I get to have that view?" - and as the last syllable from the last word was coming out of my mouth - he turns his head and licks my face. Over my open mouth and nose.

And I still love my wife, even though she's still laughing about this.

Have a good night, and big balls.

Last post?

Well, I have one correction - I had a CT scan with contrast, not a PET.

And I also have big news: As of today's scan, I have no evidence of disease, and the scarred nodes in my system have gotten smaller.

I'm dancing with NED. I'm in remission.

PET scan

We leave in less than an hour. Today is the most important day of the rest of my life.

Nervous doesn't describe how I am. It's how I live.

Tonight I will post my results. This afternoon I will know my fate. Ugh, I hate drama.